I chose the wrong Door
by AuraBlackWolf
Summary: I never expected to die, who did? But I also never expected to be reborn. But I will make do and become the best (and scariest) non-canon character there ever is. Self-Insert OC.
1. So that happened

Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence, Self-Insert OC, Crack, Messing the Canon Events (later) Genderbent, First Person View (May change to Third Person View later) etc

Hello, this is purely self-indulgent and I'm not sweating too much to get it serious or keep totally in track with canon. That's not this story (maybe another one later) this is me, who has read waaaaay to many SI OC fics this past two weeks and getting stalled in writing other important things. So…this was born to help me keep up writing and basically BSing my way through fandom. Heh.

So like it, don't like it. Doesn't matter I will try to keep writing in it for purely selfish reasons.

Crack. Pure stupid oh my god what have I done crack. Because that's how I roll after 8 hours of work and coming home to couch potato it out.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Expect for my cat. That pussy kitty is MINE! *Cuddles with resigned to it's fate cat*

* * *

I didn't believe what happened to me at first. I mean- who would?

It had been a fairly typically day for me, wake up, shift my cat's large ass off my face, lay in bed until the last possible second then leap up in a hurry to get ready for work, work till lunch…then…

…well _then_ is where I am now, I guess.

I remember walking to my favorite pizzeria shop that was situated right across from my work place, seriously I eat there at least 3 times a week, and my poor wallet wants to cry mutiny on me. I got my mini dish and was walking back across the street when it happened.

Some asshole in a freaking muscle car came blaring down a 25/mph road at 60+/mph and slammed right into me.

I hadn't even seen it coming which is just odd since I always look both ways before crossing the road and I hate to jay walk in fear for this very scenario. Whoever it was who hit me…I hope you go to prison and get butt raped for the rest of your miserable life.

Asshole.

Now I'm somewhere else, I'm not sure where but I could hazard a guess. It kind of resembled a waiting room, you know- the kind that you see in doctors' offices. There were other people there as well, all of us just sitting in these uncomfortable chairs and being very silent.

It was probably the shock of it all.

I mean…who expects to die? I know I wasn't going to live forever or anything but I was young. Only two decades old and I hadn't done anything with my life yet.

I mean that- I haven't done anything.

I mean I still lived with my mother, not that that's a bad thing, I mean- I love my mom with everything in me and we get along very well since it's just the two of us. Sure there are my siblings but they all flew out of the nest the second they graduated from high school, off to college and the world and all that rot.

Brats.

I guess I should introduce myself huh? Just so you get the full picture.

My name is…well none of your business, my age at my time of death was mid-twenties, I'm a lil chubby and have a few health issues but all in all not bad looking. Like I said before I live…lived with my mother, mostly because I love her and have a little thing called separation anxiety.

Not that she seemed to mind since she loved me a lot and enjoyed the company. I didn't have too many friends, mostly because I find it too bothersome and I don't really like crowds. The few I did have though were really great.

Although recently they have started to grow up and were flying the coop too, I guess…well when you get older it kind of has to happen at some point.

Not me though, because I don't have that option any more.

I'm guess I'm what you call an introvert person though I'm told I'm really fun the few times I'm more outgoing which is few and far in between. Also very much an otaku and kind of a Fujoshi which is basically a yaoi fangirl.

Yea I ship it, I ship a lot of things and I'm not ashamed of it.

I was also what you classify as a virgin. I mean a holy mary virgin. I've never had a boyfriend- or girlfriend for that matter. _Hey it's the 21__st__ century, equal rights bitches._ I wonder if this gets me an automatic pass now? Which would be kind of cool.

So I think that's it...oh wait.

I have a cat.

Oh dear god…my cat…noooooo!

Who the hells is gonna snuggle with my baby now?!

I think I start to cry right then as I sit there in that seat, maybe it had just hit me that I'm dead now and I'm never going to see my mother or my friends or my annoying siblings or…my beautiful, lovely, cuddly kitty ever again.

This sucks, _a lot._

Not to mention I was in the middle of several t.v. shows and now I'll never know the endings! I hate that the most I think, what of all those Marvel movies that had yet to come out? I won't be able to see them…One Piece is still ongoing too- I hope that Luffy becomes the Pirate King in the end…

"Number 543222. Come forth. Number 543222."

I look down at the small piece of paper I'm holding, I have to push up my glasses since they've fallen almost all the way down my nose but I read the small printed numbers.

Why was I holding on to this again?

"Number 543222…"

Oh- that's me I guess.

I get up and on auto-pilot walk towards the one door in the room, everyone around me just sits there and stare off into space. I wonder if they're rethinking their lives like I did. Wondering the 'what ifs'?

Though now that I think about it, shouldn't we be all..wound-y? I mean I was hit by a freaking car and I'm perfectly intact right now. I guess Beetlejuice got it wrong. At least about the gruesome wounds and creepy backgrounds.

The goddamn waiting room was spot on though.

I walked through the door without thinking about it and looked around and tried really, really hard not to scream when I noticed the creepy people in the room.

Although calling them people might be stretching it, they looked like some kind of hostile aliens from Doctor Who or something.

Very tall with mostly humanoid bodies and no face.

Like literally their heads were totally blank, no mouth or nose or eyes or hair…it was creepy and I really wanted to cry again but I sucked it up.

"You shall be judged then wiped clean." The voice came from…one of them although I have no idea how.

I stand there shaking a little, I guess I was in some kind of purgatory although I wasn't religious during life I find that I feel kind of cheated I guess. I had halfway expected to just cease to exist after death. Why all this judging business though? Are they really going to tally up sins and virtues? Because that's bullshit, sins and virtues change constantly as the years go by, what people thought of as a sin in say the 1600s is normal in the 21st century, like same-sexed marriages and women having jobs and wearing pants and men wearing dresses, although sadly that last one is still in progress, oh well.

Also this wiped clean business? Oh hell no. Don't even think about it. I like the current me, mostly.

Before anything else could be said there was noise coming from the door behind me. It kind of sounded like one of persons outside got over their shock faster than the others and was causing up a snit.

The beings around me turned as one to the door and left through it, leaving me there standing. It was quiet obvious they expected me to stay in this very spot but…well I guess I was getting over my shock as well because I decided to rebel.

Hey, I was dead. Viva la revelation. It was kind of freeing actually. I won't disgrace my family if I did something stupid here because-

Oh look, I made myself want to cry again, fudge sticks.

There was one other door in the small room I had been standing in. Deciding to hurry before the creepy beings came back from riot control I run through it.

-and now I am in a creepy long ass corridor with thousands of doors left and right.

I'm in Beetlejuice, there is no question of it now.

Does that make me a ghost? Ohhh Supernatural here I come.

Snickering now- I can't help it I'm picturing Dean and Sam trying to smite me as I go all fangirl on them- I quick walk down the hallway looking at the doors which were all different. There was names assign to them on these big name plates but unfortunately for me I couldn't read the language, curse you English! No one likes you.

Humming a tune now, 'Binks' Sake' from One Piece- because I felt it was appropriate- I decide to pick a door before the wardens get me.

I figure each door is probably a universe and while the inner otaku in me is squealing in delight the rest of me is skeptical. I doubt I'd get anything cool, I don't have that kind of luck.

Although if I had to pick a universe…oooh I have so many favorites! To be a witch in Harry Potter-! And that universe is similar to my world that I can still watch television! Or Teen Wolf! Or heck I can even go anime style. Yu-gi-oh, Detective Conan, Bleach or my current favorite One Piece! I remember reading a bunch of fanfics of reborn characters going to their favorite places and are either reborn as a new character or take over the life of another.

I'm frowning now as I look at the doors, I may have read a lot of fanfiction before since I didn't have much of a life but to actually be in this position- I'm not sure I like it. While on one hand it's cool to say you can be reborn in your favorite world one the other hand…I still can't read the doors so I don't know where I'll go and I doubt I can go with my memories although…I haven't yet been wiped…

"Well let's go like this then." I mumbled to myself. "Ine-minee-moe." I run down the hallway now and point to different doors as I sing-song.

Finally I stop outside of one particular door, it's very elegant looking and has the Roman numeral ten on it…or an X. Could go either way.

"Well here goes nothing…I hope that if I'm reborn with memories I get to be a really cool person. Someone who's powerful and doesn't take shit. Basically…I hope I'm different then I was in my last life. I want- want to be strong this time around."

With resolve now - heh - I push open the door and walk through, not hearing the commotion that came from the direction I had come through as the faceless realized I was missing.

Then…darkness.


	2. I have chosen the wrong Fing door

Chapter title: I have chosen the wrong F*ing door

_Notes: Italian words in here, I used google translate so the likelihood of them being totally wrong is very high. Please don't be offended because I totally won't be apologetic._

_Now I'm sure all of you have had ideas on who this lovely lady was going to be reborn as. I thought of an OC…but this is my first SI and I was lazy. So she has been reborn as one of the characters…I thought hard about it and wanted to do something I haven't seen yet so no Tsuna or Hibari. I thought about Dino because I've only seen him having SI siblings…then I saw my mom watching a shark documentary._

_That clinched it. _

_Thank you for all the reivews and favs and follows! You guys are awesome. I'll try to update offend but we will see how it goes. I've got a BigBang I need to finish before I can devote my time to other works…whoops *goes to another doc.*_

_Enjoy! I hope you all like this, I know that the canon character was already a badass but I couldn't help it…now she's a crazy, fun, run-for-the-fucking-hills badass. Hopefully. We'll get there someday._

_Also I put the English translations of the Italian sentences right below them, so you can know what they are saying without scrolling all the way down into some notes._

_You-sa welcome. ;)_

_-*This is a line, really. Promise.*-_

I don't recommend being reborn with your full consciousness and memories because it was the grosses most uncomfortable thing to ever happen to me. Seriously child birth is gross, there is fluids and chunks of gunk and…ewww.

_"__La signora e il signor Superbia vostro bambino __è sano ."_

_*Mrs. and Mr. Superbia your baby is healthy._

_"__Che genere?_

_*What gender?_

_"__Femminile."_

_*Female._

_"__Vergognose . Il primo nato avrebbe dovuto essere di sesso maschile ."_

_*Disgraceful. The first born should have been male._

"Non parlare . il mio bambino sarà forte e orgoglioso . Non importa il genere . Lei vivrà fino al suo nome ." _*Don't speak. my baby will be strong and prideful. It doesn't matter the gender. She will live up to her name._

"Oh?"

"**Superbia Squalo**"

I really wish I knew another language other than English because I have no idea what the people around me are saying. I stare up into the fuzzy face of who was holding me… I guess its woman who birthed me- Wow is it creepy that I really don't want to call her mom? Because I had a mom, a wonderful woman who I never ever want to replace…although that may feel like a disservice to this woman here who just popped me out into existence after enduring labor for me.

Ahh! My head hurts now, I blame the bright lights, seriously who choses bright florescent lights for a delivery room? A moron that's who.

I think I recognize one word though. It kind of sounded like a name, probably my new one actually…hmm Superbia.

Damn it, that's going to get me trash canned at school. No doubt about it, I'm going to become the one kid with the really weird-ass name that's even worse than the guy named Sue.

Oh I wonder what gender I am now.

Please be a guy please be a guy please be a guy-

Hey- can you blame me? I mean…periods. PMS. Boobs. Mood-swings…to name a few.

I really, really don't want to go through that hateful hell again.

*This is a line*_*Ignore the line*_

I hate everything.

I now know I'm a girl again. How you may ask?

I'm swaddled in a pink blanket right now, at the very least I should have gotten a gender neutral color, green or yellow would have been nice, although blue and purple are my favorite colors.

I hate pink, hate hate hate it.

Damn, I really wanted to see the other side of things you know? Oh well…at least I know what to expect of my body at least. Although this time I will keep in shape, no more fatty and health issues thank you very much.

Time is funny when you're a baby, at times it feels like its dragging and at yet it goes by so fast. Mostly because a baby doesn't do much other than eat and sleep and crap a lot.

After I had been taken from the hospital to my new home time just seemed to pass by, it may have just been my newborn body which only wanted to eat and sleep. I couldn't stay awake for more than a few hours before sleep pulled me down into dreamland where I had my usual dreams of a world supremacy and baskets of kittens.

I was maybe 2 months old when I finally got a clue on who I now was and what world I had been dropped in.

I never saw my mother or father after that first introduction at birth, instead for those first few months I was raised by a blank faced nanny who mechanically did her duties and left me to fend for myself otherwise. If I had been a normal baby I was sure that I would have developed a complex or died or something.

It was probably a good thing I slept so much actually since the boredom would have probably done me in otherwise.

I hadn't been entirely idle though, whenever the nanny came I tried to speak to her. Coaxing my vocal cords and hopefully strengthen them in the process.

All in the hope that she would talk back to me so I can figure out what language I needed to teach myself. I had already figured out how to get out of my crib and I can even crawl. Well kind of, it was more of a shuffle but I blame my baby muscles for that.

Sometimes the nanny would speak under her breath whenever I practice my talking skills at her and I'm gonna take a wild guess and say she's cussing me out.

I think it's mostly because I make sure to pee on her every single chance I get. She's a rotten person so I don't feel bad about it, I mean she's never even tried smiling at me or anything.

I'm a baby. So ergo- I'm goddamn cute! Smile at me damnit!

But no- today for the first time in my new life I was greeted by something new.

A man is in my room and there is no nanny in sight.

I had just woken up from my 5th nap of the day and to say I was startled to see some stranger staring at me would be understating it.

I stare up at the man as he stares down at me. I don't bother getting up from my lounging position. If he has come to harm me…well I can't do much other than scream my lungs out. Which I'm preparing for- I've been saving my full volume of voice for a real special occasion, I haven't yet graced this household with it after all.

I hope I'm loud.

_"__Quindi questo è quello di essere mia figlia ."_ _*So this is to be my daughter._

What the fuck is this dude saying? Wait…is that Italian? Oh wow that would be an awesome language to know. Not that I don't plan on learning at least five different languages. I only knew English in my last life even with me being half-Spanish. Since it's easier to learn the younger you are I plan to become one with a sponge and absorb a whole lot of info. It helped that I was pretty smart in my last life and it was only because of my laziness I didn't go to university so add to all that knowledge and the knowledge I will absorb here…I may even be called a prodigy.

I gurgle in warning as I stared at the man who must have taken it for a smile or something because he grinned down at me and reached down to rub his index finger across my brow.

I guess I have to work on that, my glares should be frightening and cause paralytic terror. Not smiles and caresses, not unless I end up in some really odd relationships later in life.

In truth, my staring was more like a glare which had pleased the old man. He had hoped that his child would be exceptional, it was expected of his family after all. The baby's glare at him was glacial and he knew that his child would do just fine.

_"__Mia figlia. Il mio piccolo Squalo ."_

_*My daughter. My little Squalo._

Squalo? Wait…oh fuck. Superbia wasn't my first name, it was my last. So Squalo Superbia is my name if I wasn't switching it around all Asian like.

I'm in Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

I'm fucking Superia Squalo. Varia Commander. Assassin. Bad News.

Motherfucker.


	3. Time Skips are Fun…Not

Chapter: Time Skips are Fun…Not.

_Notes: Wow the response I've gotten has been very encouraging. I luws you all._

_In response to one reviewer's rapid questions I think I'll answer some._

_Will she defeat Tyr? Yes, because Tyr is in the way of her goal and anything in her way will be bulldozed down. About her hand being chopped off…maybe. Squalo probably isn't a gender neutral name but I love it. Superia Squalo means Prideful Shark (at least according to other sources) and it is awesome so I decided to keep it. I don't really plan for any fixed pairings until much much later on. There will be flirting later on…oh dear lord the flirting…but I kind of want this to be a primary Gen fic. I have big plans for Dino…who love to pieces._

_And dear lord will she discover her voice. VOI is like a compulsion but I doubt my Squalo will say it as often as canon!Squalo._

_I love the Varia to pieces so they will all feature heavily in later chapters. There was a bit foreshadowing of Squalo thinking of odd relationships and it kind of has to do with the Varia, not to say that it will be totally romantic or anything. Mostly I will be working on the Family route which sadly isn't shown that heavily in the anime. So if you like a particular Varia and want them to interact more with Squalo then please feel free to tell me so. I would love to add more flirting scenes or just pure fun and crack and family drama._

_Oh the drama…I can't wait until Squalo joins up. I plan on absolutely ruining them all. Much like Reborn totally chaotically ruined Tsuna's Family. Lol_

_I hope I will continue to live up to all of your expectations…but like I said before this is purely for my own satisfaction. I was just curious enough to post it._

_Enjoy! __J_

**Two years later~**

It hadn't taken long to get use to her new identity, except for a few regrets I think I embraced my new life fairly quickly. Mostly because I knew that if I didn't I was royally fucked, because of one major problem.

I hadn't been that big of a fan of KHR.

Sure I watched the anime but I hadn't been an avid fan of the show, not to mention I never even touched the manga. Hopefully I wasn't in the manga verse although knowing my luck I probably was, or in some kind of combo reality of the two.

I did find it odd that I had been born in my original gender when I was pretty sure that Squalo had been a guy in the series. Although you never know, the canon Squalo had some long ass hair and somewhat girly looks so it was possible he'd been a transgender person with identity issues.

Annnd…after giving myself a headache thinking about it I just decided to put it aside and never think about it again.

Even if I wasn't a big fan of the series I knew that I wouldn't be entering the KHR cannon arc for years to come so the moment where I was able to steal a piece of paper and a pen, I wrote down as much as the plot as I could with my little chubby baby fingers. Although getting that piece of paper and writing utensil was harder than I thought it would be since the bitch nanny didn't think that she needed such things at such a young age, bitch please I'd been writing crappy fanfics for years, a few sentences were easy-peasy.

One of the main things I could remember was that the main character was named Tsu-something or other, was a rather clumsy middle-schooler who was destined to take over as 10th mafia boss of some powerful mafia family. He made a lot of friends and guardians and had a killer tutor that was a baby.

Although none of that really matters for me now since I would never be a part of the main story line, it may have been different if I'd been born in their generation and as one of the main characters but from what I could pierce together from my memory was that my new identity, Squalo, was a side-character that was only relevant to a few arcs and then would fade to the background as the main story continued on, and not only that I won't meet any of the brats until I was well in my 20s, at least 2 decades away from now, that was a long time to wait and I'm not sure if I really cared about them since brats weren't born yet and wouldn't be for years to come. So as long as I wrote done some relevant stuff I was free to let my mind focus on more important things.

Like developing myself into a badass.

I could luckily remember a bit of the original Squalo from the anime. Mostly because the Varia arc had been the most entertaining and fun than the other arcs of the show.

The main thing though was that canon Squalo had been the right-hand man of Xanxus who was the leader of the Varia. Oh and that apparently he was a loud motherfucker. Heh I'm going to enjoy screaming my lungs out at the unfortunate masses, it'll be therapeutic.

I figured there were a few things I could do to change the plot-line, but since I was still kind of unfamiliar with the finer things I just decided to leave well enough alone. The world wouldn't explode if I didn't save the Tenth's mist guardian from being experimented on or warn the ninth boss of that big mafia family that his kids are all gonna be murdered in one way or another in the future, so that a weak little boy has to take over for him. While all of it did matter to a point I decided that changing things could possibly make things worse and then I would be totally unprepared for the future and probably get killed before I hit puberty or something.

So…getting stronger and smarter and more badass it was then. After all this was an anime and anime physics was fucked up. I would become 'Sparta!'

So that first two years was devoted to learning muscle and vocal control, as well as cramming as many languages as I could, I found it fun to speak in three different languages in one conversation. I kept switching it up and with enough practice I could do it flawlessly instead of stuttering as my brain processes the jump in language.

As the months passes I noted that my mother apparently abandoned me after birth since she never visited me once and neither my bitch nanny nor my papa mentioned her. I was fine with it since I didn't have it in me to love another woman as a mother since I still had the memories of my other mother still strong in me.

My papa on the other hand was attentive to me whenever he was around. Apparently he was some boss for a low level Famigilia and had a lot of duties to attend to. Lucky for him all that I asked of him was tutoring in hand-to-hand combat and weaponry…and anything else I could think of.

It was on my second birthday when I asked-_demanded-_ that he comply with my requests and while he had patronized me at first he quickly changed his tune when I tried to rip out his eyes in retaliation to his tone.

For some reason he praised me and stated that my official title in the Family was Principessa de sangue.

_Blood Princess *Princess of Blood*_

I liked it fairly enough and allowed him this little attachment.

Right now I was snickering as my gymnastics tutor wiggle on the ground in pain. It had been decided because of my gender and body type that I would focus more on speed and dexterity rather than all out strength and power, not that I wouldn't also focus on those as well but I had to start somewhere.

I had been working with this particular tutor for two weeks now and had gotten tired of his…brand of handisness.

So I broke them, his hands, his knees, his nose…you get the idea.

"Oh, hi papa." I said sarcastically as my father walked through the door and looked on passively at my bleeding tutor.

"What was wrong with this one _Principessa?"_

"He kept on grabbing my butt." I pouted and watched gleefully as my father's face warped into a wrathful visual.

I think I've gotten a lot more sadistic these last few years but considering my goal was be good at killing I think it could only be a good thing.

I watch as my father- _my papa_\- rip my ex-tutor to shreds before totting off to the kitchens.

I've suddenly got a huge craving for some tuna carpaccio.

At age three I was already well known in my father's inner circle as prodigious. It was something I found really funny but I can't blame them. Already I was fluent in Italian, English (duh), Japanese (yea no more subtitles!), and Mandarin. I was in the middle of learning French and I hate it so freaking much but I'm getting better at it. I've already decided I'm going to save Spanish for last. Mostly because I'm vindictive like that.

I've gotten really good at knife combat as well as parkour. Which is fun and I like the feeling of almost flying when I sink my 7' serrated edge combat knife into one of the many targets which stationed themselves at different angles four floors up on the ceiling. Luckily this whole room was designed as a training obstacle course, excluding of course the fighting ring in the corner which was for my weekly spars with my mixed martial artist instructor.

I kind of feel like I'm cheating though since I was learning how to use knives instead of a sword. I believe knives was…Bel? Bel's main weapon and he no doubt took pride in it but oh well, sharing is caring ripper prince.

Papa lectured me on how I must first learn how to wield different manner of blades if I wanted to become the best swords-person in the world.

It may have been because I had kicked his rather hard in the shin when he told me that I couldn't become the world's greatest swordsman because…swords_man._

So after that painful one-sided screaming match I have rearranged my goal a little.

I don't want to become the best swordsman or swordswoman.

I'm devoting myself to become the Best sword master non gender person ever!

My papa may have had a little crying fit over what he perceived as his princess declaring herself a man trapped in a woman's body.

I did no such thing by the way. He only assumed so because I refused to wear dresses after that.

I have two years before I can work on swordsmanship and until then I will practice with every other weapon that my small body can handle and cram as much knowledge into my head as possible.

Up until I get bored and take a week off that is. But I only do that once every few months, I need to decompress after all and have a little fun and if I have to eat strawberry ice cream and watch horror/gore movies with no ratings and read shoujo manga then ** .it.**

Humming to myself I snacked on an apple as I wandered around our modest three story home. I figured a break was good before I cooked my brain any more than it already was.

I heard rumors that the Vongola family was having some big shin-dig of a party soon and was kind of disappointed that my father's Famigilia was too much of a small fry to get an invite. It would have been interesting to see how that Family operated after all and maybe even get read on the political state they were in.

"Young Mistress."

I turned to stare at the servant that had addressed me.

"Yea?"

"Your father wants you. He's in his office."

I wave the servant away and make my way slowly to papa's office. It wasn't very far and before I knew it I was sited in one of the comfy chairs that filled the room.

My father looked both exultant and constipated, an odd combination to be sure.

"Papa?"

"_Principessa _I have an interesting proposition for you."

"Oh?" I cock me head sideways as I stare shrewdly at the lightly sweating boss. Ever since I started speaking in full sentences and showed my more…ruthless side my father has had a healthy respect and fear of me. I was sure he thought I would become the boss of our small Famigilia and bring up its status whether by blood or by marriage.

Too bad for him I had no plans on being a boss…although it wasn't a bad back up plan.

"Yes, I've contacted a…special tutor for you. One of the Arcobaleno is willing to spare some of his time to train you for a total of one year in exchange for some favors in the future."

This was an interesting development, I doubt canon Squalo had been tutored by any of the Arcobaleno so it kind of makes me wonder how much I changed canon already in a short amount of time, on the other hand…I'm bored and it's one of the freaking killer babies. Life can only get more fun and weirder from here.

"Sure papa, sounds interesting." I monotone and let my face stretch into a tiny smirk as my father let out a sigh of relief. Apparently the old man had been afraid of my reaction.

Maybe he was fearful I'd kill him off and take over the family business at the ripe old age of 3?

"Which one is it?"

I doubt my father had gotten Reborn. That hitman only tutored the heirs of the bigger Famigilia. The others were a toss-up although I doubt Verde, Fon, or Viper would show up either.

When I had been writing down the plotline for KHR I had been annoyed when I couldn't remember the names of semi-important character so I've been studying up on all the important and powerful people that made up the mafia while also being as discrete as possible so no one sends any assassins after me and papa for sticking our noses in business we were too small to know about. It had been an interesting test of my skills at information gathering, which due to my small size had been twice as difficult in getting the information and twice as easy to get out of sticky situations when someone questioned why I would be asking for such information.

I've practiced _the pout _endlessly for weeks to prefect it and was gratified to find out that I can get out of almost every scenario with it. Most people- especially big bad mafia men –panicked when faced with a pouting and teary eyed little girl.

Suckers.

My papa may not know it but I had accessed my Flames about a year ago and I wasn't surprised that I had rain flames, after all so did canon Squalo.

What had surprised me was that I had a weaker secondary flame as well.

Cloud.

Now that was something really different and made me feel more off tilted then my apparent non-canon gender reassignment.

"Well- I tried to contact the Rain Arcobaleno but it seems that he won't be available for another five years, instead he is sending another one in his place."

"Sending another one?" I mumbled before paling. "Wait the only one he could command would be…"

"Skull."

I stare at my father before letting out a stream of curses in multiple languages.

It said something about the relationship between us when my father only nodded along solemnly to my colorful words of woe.

"Ahaha! So you are my new student!"

I stare at the small purple haired baby, I admit I don't know much about Skull. He wasn't that big of a character from what I could remember other then he was the weakest of the killer babies and was the Cloud Arcobaleno.

Finally I shrug. "Fuck it."

"Yes Skull-Sempi!" I salute him-

_And I shit you not._

There was flowers and stars flowing around him as he stared agape at me.

"Skull…S-Sempi?" Skull stuttered out in disbelief but smiling widely.

Oh wow this guy got no respect from anyone if getting a title like that from a three year old, abide a really smart three year old, could make him this fucking happy.

I suddenly had the urge to kick the rest of the Arcobalenos' asses for being total douches to the weaker Arcobaleno.

"Yes." I nodded as seriously as I could because those freaking flowers were really started to freak me out. "You are my tutor after all and I'm your student. It is only right I show my respect for you by calling you Sempi."

…Skull may have needed a minute or two after that. Which I granted him by turning around and staring off into the horizon as he burst into tears behind me.

I think we may end up having a mutual teaching position. Him teaching me combat and possibly how to access my weak Cloud flames and me teaching him to grow a backbone.

And that was how I totally gained the Cloud Arcobaleno as my faithful minion for life.

I chuckled under my breath. "1/5. Who's next?"


	4. My training with Sempi starts!

Chapter: My training with Sempi starts!

_Notes: I'd like to mention that my chapters are going to be short and to the point without much depth for several reasons. One- I'm literally writing as I go with no buffer chapters, what you see now probably gotten written on the day it is posted._

_I'll be truthful with you guys, I don't have any idea where this is going or any general plot ideas. I'm literally writing whatever comes to mind. That may change later but for now it's mostly BS. Lol sorry if that upsets any of you._

_How is everyone liking the 1__st__ person view? I admit this is the first time I've ever written in this POV and find myself having trouble at times. I'm much happier with 3__rd__ POV but I don't see many SI OC fics in that format which is why I'm trying really hard to stay in 1__st__._

_Later on if I do get any plot ideas (probably when Squalo hits her teen years) I may just throw my hands up in the air and change it to my comfortable third POV regardless of any complaints. We'll see. _

_You can do so much more in third then first after all. :)_

_Skull is now a badass-in-training. He will become a secondary character later one-probably-most likely. I love that dork._

_Also like to mentioned that this isn't beta'ed read at all and I only give it a curtesy check before posting so if there are mistakes… ;p_

_Thank you everyone who has reviewed and favorite and alerted! you are all awesome!_

**_:THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE:_**

"No Sempi! You have to really mean it!"

"I mean it I mean it!"

"NO you don't! If you did then that man would have become a puddle of piss and tears by now."

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't apologize!"

That's basically how the past few weeks have gone. First I would wake Skull in the morning then he would tutor me in combat for a few hours, mostly it consisted of a lot of body conditioning as well as katas.

After that came the real fun part of our mutual companionship, which was teaching Skull how to stand up for himself and learn how to be intimating to those around him. It was a slow work in progress and I can't help but blame Colonnello and Reborn. The repeat beatings and the whole lackey business really got under the poor guy's skin.

It was too bad that I used up all of my pity points in the first week.

I cocked my 9 mm glock and took off the safety which made everyone around me begin to sweat heavily in fear.

"Sempi…I don't think you're really trying. Here let me demonstrate, k?"

I swing around without warning and let off three consecutive shots. I gazed at the damage with grim satisfaction.

"See? They not only pissed themselves, they passed out as well."

Skull was gawking at the three bodyguards that my father had lent us to practice on with a look of dawning horror on his face.

The bodyguards were spread out on the ground, the white of their eyes were showing and dark stains lined the front of their pants.

"Pansies." I snorted unladylike and snap the safety on and hostel my weapon. "I didn't even clip them."

"Wah! Squalo is so scary." Skull abruptly began to wail and shake in his little baby boots.

"Gods it no wonder that Reborn and the like bullied you if that little display scared you." I sighed and walk over to him, to either pet him on his head to calm him down or smack him for being such a wuss.

It's 50/50.

I ended up smacking him.

"Owie!"

I ignore the squealing and continued my important life altering lecture. "Really Skull, if you want to be associated with me in the future you need to get over this ridiculous fear you have of strong people."

"I'm not afraid." Skull announced, "The great Skull is powerful!"

I smile at the declaration. "Yes you are Skull. In the whole world you were chosen to hold the Cloud Pacifier because you have the largest amount of Cloud flames. Don't you get it? Out of billions of people, _you were chosen_. But you also need to remember that both the Sun and Rain Arcobaleno were trained fighters before the curse, not to mention the Storm Arcobaleno is the most powerful mixed-martial artist in the world and the Mist Arcobaleno is a powerful Illusionist. Only yourself and the Lightening Arcobaleno were civilians before your curse, correct? So you can't be blamed for always losing to them. You can only get stronger now in retaliation."

Skull was maybe…gaping at her now. Damn it, had she let too many secrets out? I didn't really want to hurt Skull because despite his some-what annoying traits he was…useful.

"You…" Skull finally spoke but it seemed even when he wanted to speak he was at a loss for words.

"Thank you!" He suddenly bowed down low. "You are only a child and yet you are so wise in years! The great Skull has truly found a worthy student to pass on all of his knowledge to."

"That's nice Sempi." I may have patronized him a bit just then. "Now…let's get back to my teachings." I smirk and turn back to the passed out guards. "First things first…let's wake the help."

**:THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE:**

Time seemed to pass by even faster now that Skull had become part of my daily routine and before I knew it I was five years old and things had only gotten more hectic since Skull officially became my…friend.

I won't say lackey, because while some people might think that's what he still amounts too I've taken the time and patience to train him out of that.

Now while Skull's previous combat experience had been pretty good, enough that I learned a thing or two from him, he was now able to hold his own against assassins and hitmen that previously would have wiped the floor with him.

It may have had something to do with his self-confidence issues and self-esteem. Of which he really hadn't had much of but I beat those issues out of him.

Literally at times.

"Oi Shark Princess!"

I turn from my mirror where I had been trying to French braid my hair, it hadn't been going so well but I really didn't want to cut it until later, so I thought that braiding my hair was okay since it was always getting in my face and a pony-tail wasn't very nice looking.

But…I was being defeated. Yes, you heard correctly. I'm losing to my goddamn hair.

"Did you need something Skull?"

"…Do you need help with that?" Skull deadpanned at me.

I sniffle a tear, I'm so proud of him nowadays. The amount of sass the cloud baby has now is almost as good as my own.

I look back at the mirror and grimaced. My hair looked like a dynamite had been set off nearby, it was that bad.

"Ah I would appreciate it. Do you know how to french braid?"

Skull nodded and in no time flat my hair had been tamed down and put in an elegant braid.

I gape at my mirror image and then back at the smug look on Skull's face.

"You ass." I sigh but I was pleased with the result so wasn't too angry. "Did you need something else or did you come into my room to annoy me?"

"I needed to talk to you." Skull walked over until he was seated on the window seat that looked out over the west side of the estate. "I'm sure you know that when your father contacted Collonneo he was only able to secure my services for a year." I nodded along as he continued. "But with some tricky word play I was able to extend the contract to two years despite Collonneo's objections. Sadly that rain bastard finally got Reborn involved so I don't believe I'll be able to stay for much longer with both of them on a warpath."

I glare at the information. "Why should those bastards care who employs you? It's not like them to inquire about you, given what you've told me about them."

Skull sighed. "I think it's because they don't like me not under their thumbs. They still think of me as their lackey even if I haven't seen them for two years now."

"Do you want to go back?" I asked because as much as I wanted Skull to stay I wouldn't stop him if he truly wanted to leave. Skull had become a good companion these past few years and while I had yet to confine in him about myself I knew he wasn't stupid. Arcobaleno aside, no child could be as smart and worldly as I was, especially no child that hadn't actually been out into the world.

Skull shook his head frantically. "Heck no. Why would I want to go back to being a lackey when instead I could be the right-hand man to the most powerful woman in the world?"

"Oh you charmer you." I smirk at the light blush that my teasing promoted. "Well then why don't you pledge yourself to the Superia Famigilia? Or more specific why not pledge yourself to me? We both know that I don't have Sky flames so the likelihood of me actually becoming boss of this Famigilia is low but no one else knows that yet and hopefully they won't for years to come."

"That might work but you know that it would only be a temporary fix."

"We'll think about that when it happens." I wave away Skull's concern. I'll figure out something when the time comes even if I have to resort to blackmail.

"Then of course I'll pledge an oath." Skull said seriously. "In all my years no one has showed me the amount of respect and concern as you did. You say you're not a Sky but I think you'd make a wonderful leader."

"…are you just saying that because you're trying to get out of my cloud flame training?"

"…no."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Oh come on Squalo! You really are terrible at controlling your cloud flames. You should just stick to your primary rain flames."

Pouting now I wiggle my hands and let out a few wisps of my cloud flame. "But I need them! I mean- think of the advantages! Not many out there have a primary and secondary flame inside of them."

"But you really suck at it."

"Shut your mouth and teach me."

"Yeah yeah, suckage-of-the-cloud-student-of-mine."

*SMACK*

"Your sass is appreciated but I'd prefer it to not be directed at me and instead to the masses of stupid around us."

"Yes." Skull whimpered before putting on his stupid helmet on. I sighed heavily and leaned back against the wall. Skull nowadays only put on the helmet for two reasons, one- he was going to do something incredible stupid that was hazardous to his health, two-he was trying not to cry.

"Why don't we go get some ice cream from the kitchens and watch some anime in the movie room? I'll even let you pick out the series this time."

"Oooh how about Ouran Highschool Host Club?!"

"…What is it with pretty boy anime that has you sparkling like that?"

"They're hot." Skull deadpanned.

"So is Roy Mustang and yet you always complain when I put in Fullmetal Alchemist." I deadpanned back.

"…Ed annoys me."

"Ah I see…must be the resemblance you have."

"WHAT RESEMBLANCE!? Wait Squalo where are you going? Squalo? Squalo!"

I had already left the room by this time to hunt me down some strawberry ice-cream.

**:THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE: THIS IS A LINE:**

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!"

"What the hell was that?!" My father's guards burst into my room and freeze in place under my unamused glare. I turn to the leader of this particular pack and addressed him.

"I'm practicing my war cry…is there a problem?"

"Ah no Shark Prin-I mean." The man coughed hoarsely, no doubt horrified over his stumble. "-_Princess_! I-I mean there is no problem at all."

"Good." I pause. "Why are you still here then? I'm half-naked."

They all seemed to realize that as well and took off screaming apologizes and prays of mercy.

I was garbed in a tub top and work out shorts so it wasn't like I was naked or anything. It was stupid to wear any less while practicing shadow martial arts since I would just sweat through them and have them stick uncomfortable to me.

Besides I was in my room and if I can't be comfortably half-naked in my room then where the hell could I?

I was pretty sure that those particular guards would end up missing by the end of the day either by my father's hand or Skull's.

At seven years old I was more powerful than most Mafioso' and was quiet good at swords-_non gender_-ship and already had my teachers running in circles around me as I came at them with a pointy object.

It did clash a bit with my tutoring with Skull but since we've both decided last year to finally stop the cloud flame lessons we mostly spent the time gossiping about the latest mafia rumor mill and plotting world domination.

It was a lot of fun since Skull had a wicked sense of humor and was very morbid at times with his jokes. He would make a wonderful Cloud Guardian for the Varia once I've taken over it.

I swung my fists a few more times but eventually decided that I had worked out enough for today. Those guards had totally ruined the mood and I was upset that my first 'VOI' had been seen and heard like that.

My father had been thinking of enrolling me in a school run by Mafioso for their children even if I was light-years ahead of my peers. He apparently thought the social interactions would tame my behavior and cultivate good relations.

His words, not mine.

I knew nothing of the canon Squalo's childhood and for all I knew I was following in his footsteps by going to school. Although I was still sure that he hadn't had any of the Arcobaleno show any interest in him until he was in the Varia and that was only Mammon since they worked together.

But now I was Squalo and I was damned proud of that fact. I loved my silver colored hair and my above average tallness, I would only grow taller as I hit puberty, and my rain flames and small cloud flames, I didn't care what Skull said I love my cloud flames just as much as my rain ones, and my general badassness that I exude on a daily basis.

I've begun to wonder though…I had training and other teachings so maybe going to this school and getting allies- and enemies- would be a good thing.

I'd have to leave Skull behind though, I couldn't let it become common knowledge that one of the Arcobaleno favored me. I would only get sketchy types instead of finding true allegiances.

But that was okay because Skull had his own agendas now. Well to be truthful they were still our agendas but I didn't want to burst his bubble.

He was going to slowly and very carefully work on the other Arcobaleno and bring them into the fold. It would take a long time and I would only be able to help later in the stage but I knew it could be done. I had faith in my little cloud friend after all.

I did tell him that Sun guardian, Reborn and the Sky guardian…Aria? Was off limits since I didn't even want to touch that shitstorm. Besides Reborn was going to be the Tenth's Arcobaleno and I respected that. I would just take all of the other ones instead.

The Sky Arcobaleno was already a boss of a Family and wasn't someone who would take orders from someone else, after all I was no Sky. That pleasure went to my future boss Xanxus, although his flames hadn't been a nice harmonious sky flames but Wrath flames which I couldn't wait to see in person.

Bad-Ass.

So school.

I'm so going to be bored to death.

Maybe I'd take a page out of the Tenth's future cloud guardian's book and bite people to death who crowd and annoy me.

…now I really feel like I'm plagiarizing.


	5. Minions are better and much easier

Chapter: Minions are better and much easier to manage

_Notes: Much smaller chapter but I really need to concentrate on my BB since the deadline is coming soon and I'm only about seventy percent done with it, that hasn't even been bea'ed either._

_But I kind of like the roll I'm on with this, updates will probably be slowing down though. At least for a few weeks. We'll see. I love everyone's response to this! You are all awesome people and I'm glad you enjoy this. _

**:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE**

"-you hear about the new kid?"

"Yea I heard she's from some low punk Family, nothing to write home about."

"I heard that she's some kind of demon child. Apparently she terrorizes everyone she sees, probably beats on them too."

"Ooh scary. She's just some bratty kid though, bet she won't last long either other than to spread her legs when she's older."

A loud swarm of obnoxious laughter followed that conversation.

As I walked down the school hallway it took all my concentration and willpower to hold back from beating every single student around me into the ground. Dicks all of them. They weren't even trying to be subtle or quiet about their sickening rumors.

I had promised my father that I wouldn't use unnecessary violence at school anymore after almost beating my homeroom teacher into a coma on my first day and now I had to deal with these stupid idiot children and their nasty mouths and because I wasn't retaliating or anything they apparently thought my hurting an adult was a fluke and I was prime bullied material.

The school yard abuse had only been verbal so far but that was bad enough. Fighting I can handle, hand-to-hand, knives, swords, guns even…but words were much harder to fight against and I was close to snapping and verbally smacking them until they were crying for their mothers.

"Hey new kid."

I ignored the call and continued walking towards my classroom.

"I'm talking to you! Hey!"

When I continued to ignore them they finally seem to get angry and one of the pack walked ahead of me and blocked my path.

"Move." I monotone at him while keeping my eyes straight and my face blank. They may not know it but I was chanting a mantra in my head. It went like this.

_Do not kill the idiots. Do not kill the idiots. Do not maim and terrify the idiots. Do not kill the idiots. Do not kill the idiots._

Yeaaa…Skull may have had some actual ground with his complaints about my sanity.

"Bitch we are talking to you. You're just some underclass brat so show some respect. I'm the heir to-_blah blah blah"_ I stopped listening halfway through the guy's speech and take the moment to look around me.

There were four of them surrounding me all, all about 13 years of age. The school I went to was huge and had an elementary, middle, high and college level education buildings, it being the only Mafioso school in the world it made sense that it would have all levels of education, it also meant that the older years bullied a lot of the younger.

"Bitch are you listening?!"

Okay that was it, I couldn't take it anymore. Walking forward I snap up my hand and grip the flapping tongue of the brat.

"Uaaa!"

"Did you say something brat?" I ask in a pleasant tone as I pinch the pink flesh with only my thumb and forefinger. He tried to yank back but ended up crying when I didn't move an inch. My strength was great and with Skull's training it was truly impressive and deadly.

"Hey let him go!" the other three morons all rushed at me but I was ready for them.

I lift my leg high and with the heel of my shoe I smack the chin of one of the brats who went flying backwards and hit the wall, leaving a sizable dent.

Instant K.O.

Next I swung my leg which was still in the air around and balancing on my other foot I managed to land a hit on the side of the head of another one before standing straight and smirking in victory.

Another Instant K.O.

The last one had backed up the moment that the second was dealt with but I didn't allow him to escape.

Letting go of the leader who just stood there stupidly and cradled his jaw in pain I turn to the third and suddenly drove my knee in his gut, causing him to throw up as he feel to the ground.

Turning back to the stupid leader I reach for his tongue again, battering away his protesting hands. Once I got a grip on it again my smirk widen.

"Ooooh does the kitty cat got your tongue? Nothing to say scum? Well then…" I pull on the flesh non to gentle causing the brat to come forward, I could vaguely hear his pleads for mercy but I ignore it. "Because you've annoyed and upset me I've come up with a proper punishment." Smirking I drove my other hand, which was clenched into a fist into the side of his face, letting go of him entirely as he feel to the ground. "You are all going to be my _bitches._"

I turn to the crowed that was too stupid and cowardly to run away when I had retaliated, they were all radiating fear and awe.

"That goes for all of you too. Now…" I lean closer to them and watch them shrink backwards. "Time to get to work _little bitch minions._"

School after that was tolerable, I had all the younger years and most of the middle and high school students under my thumb. I decided that I would only be keeping most of the promising ones after I leave, once I've actually cemented some loyalty in them of course. The Varia could always use more members after all.

Everyone else…well they were cannon fodder and would probably become cannon fodder for either the Vongola or their own small families.

I have yet to find anyone worth my time but I was still very young and would no doubt find someone worth my time, well other than Skull that is.

Which reminded me, if I was going to have some of these pansies join up with the Varia then they would need to actually be able to survive such a place.

I quickly wrote down a small note to Skull that I would be sending a few recruits for him to train up when my summer break came up.

Now- I just needed to inform the minions about these plans.

I crack my knuckles and laugh loudly, this would be fun.

"VOOOOIIIII! Scum! Little, little minions! Where are yoooouuuu?"

Later screams of pain and terror echoed along the hallways as the students scuttled as quickly and quietly as mice to their homerooms and thanking the gods that it wasn't them that had encountered the 'She-Devil of the Mafioso School'.


	6. WTF I'm at the wrong school

Chapter: WTF…I'm at the wrong school.

_Notes: I admit that this chapter was written in response to one of my reviews from the last chapter. I hadn't really thought about how easily Squalo had taken over the school and no one question or challenged her. So I came up with this line of thought about ten minutes after I updated the last chapter. It's not long but I'm hoping that the next one we will be seeing someone special who might become important later on in the story. Hint, hint._

_I'll try to have that chapter out by the end of the week since I'm hoping to have it be twice as long as my usual ones. We'll see, no promises._

_And She-Devil of the Mafiso School is a lot more awesome the Demon of Namimori. Or at least I like to think so. heh_

_Thank you everyone who has reviewed, you inspire me to keep on writing. Hint, hint. Enjoy!_

_**THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE:THIS IS A LINE**_

I learned something new this week, something very important to my future goals. Apparently the school I was going to, the freaking Mafioso school I had stupidly decided not too investigate before going too…was actually divided into two sections and I hadn't known anything about it, and not just sections- like age groups etc.

No- it was two entirely different sections of Mafioso personnel.

The main thing that had me in disbelief was how long it took me to figure this out, I mean sure I had an vague idea after I beat those little brats in ten seconds flat but I hadn't actually put much stock into it afterwards, my pride hadn't let me.

Even so, because while my father's Family was part of the lower mafia aristocratic ladder I was still considered a boss-in-training to take over after him so I hadn't seriously thought they would do such a thing to me.

Maybe…it was because I was born a girl? Oh my fucking- if this is a sexism thing then I was going to castrate and murder every single male in the mafia and just create a female dystopia.

That'll teach them to underestimate females.

I had been attending school for three months and even with how powerful I knew I had gotten because of all the early training I had endured I was still surprised by how easily I made the kids around me into my minions.

When I had first attended the school the only way Skull and my father had gotten me to go in the first place was the promise of more kids like me, well not me-me but you know…actually competent.

But it seemed that somehow my paper got switched up. Or at least that was the only excuse I would take because if they actually and purposely put me in henchmen school I would be killing someone before I graduated.

So it boiled down to this, all of the _real_ bosses-in-training and the higher mafia aristocratic children had been going to school on the opposite side of campus.

I had thought those were the college dorms! But nope, apparently the college dorms were several more blocks away and I was too lazy to go investigate them earlier.

Skull would have been yelling in my ear about my apparent laziness if he heard about this. He might even sic his damn creepy octo-pet on me like he did on me one time when I accidently scared him by sneaking up on him while he was watching some horror movie about vengeful ghosts.

Apparently in the dark I looked like a horrible ghoul. Skull said it was my creepy wide smile and silver glowing hair. I wacked him over the head with a feathered pillow for the insult until the pillow burst into a feathery cloud.

It hadn't helped that I had been sucking on a cherry lollipop and had reddish stains all over my mouth at the time.

Anyway it was actually one of my minions that had brought it to my attention about the split in the school system, I was livid at first but I eventually calmed down after much screaming and kicking over several school desks in retaliation.

The minion in question, one of the smarter ones, had causally wondered what I was doing in their branch of the school when I was clearly a combat specialist and should have been transferred to the Vongola sponsored school where all the powerhouses and genius level students were housed at.

After I had gotten over my little temper tantrum I'd been grateful for the information, so much so that I didn't beat the student black and blue for being too causal with me to begin with.

Later I learn that the student in question had been taking valium to deal with the stress I was causing by terrorizing the school which explained his very nonchalant attitude to me and everyone around him in general.

After learning that I realized that I may have been…channeling my inner Hibrai a little too much lately.

But it was their fault! When I heard about the nick-name the brats gave me I cracked up laughing so hard I ended up choking. She-Devil? I mean come on! I totally beat Hibrai's Demon now!

HA!

So now I'm going to transfer, it didn't take long to get admittance to the other side, I guess I was really qualified and the administration wanted to hurry things along just as much as I did.

I was even gracious enough to leave a departing speech to my classmates that made up the henchmen school and told them I was leaving them for bigger and better things. The teachers didn't object to me using the gym stadium for this as well as take everyone out of their classes and cram them into it before first period. Or at least if anyone did protest I ignored them completely and continued on.

I think some of minions started to cry as I gave my departure speech.

I admit to feeling touched by this, I didn't think they would miss me that much…although I had to wonder where all the confetti and party balloons had come from?

"VOI! But not to worry my little minions! I won't abandon you! Even with me gone my second-in-command has graciously insisted that he transfer here as a teacher to continue on with your minion training! I admit I had plans to stall your torture- I mean training till the summer but now you don't have to wait! I want you to give a round of applause to your new Sensei! Skull!"

Skull- who had been waiting with excited impatience for his moment to shine broke through the stadium wall with a large wrecking ball.

"Stupid students! I am the famous Skull! You will now all bow down before my magnificence!" Skull struck a very interesting pose and waited for his applause.

Everyone was silent though and I kind of felt bad for him since he'd been looking forward to this since I told him of my transfer and my worries for my future cannon fodder.

I reach down to my ankle and take out my custom-made gun from my hoister. Then I preceded to shoot at the crowd in warning.

They got it pretty quick and began to applaud very, very loudly. Luckily for them only two people got hit with my bullets and they were mere flesh wounds, easily remediable if hurriedly treated quickly.

Skull beamed at them and smirked at me. I just gave him a proud nod and turn to the teachers that had lined the back.

They all stared at me in relief and terror.

Relief I guess from me leaving, and terror about having one of the Arcobaleno in their school teaching them under my behalf.

Or it could be that they were terrified at me leaving since I had installed a great pecking order in their school and relief that I would be smart enough to leave my faithful friend behind to keep the pecking order safely in place and train up their henchmen to be better and more resilient to pain and torture.

I figured it could go either way.


	7. To be or not and saving a corralled pony

Chapter: To be or not- and saving a corralled pony

Notes: So this chapter was a pain in the butt to write. The first half was written about half a month ago and then I just stalled. So I changed things up a bit.

First half is in 1st POV and second part is in 3rd POV. I've written in a quick bold note between POVs to show where one ends and another starts.

Tell me if you like it, I personally felt it more easier to write in 3rd POV and I wrote twice as much in one sitting doing so then pushing my way to write in 1st

Tell me if you like it and I'm sorry it's been a while since I updated. This story is still mostly going to stay a crack fic but I want to give it more depth and expand the story. We'll see how it goes.

Thank you everyone who has reviewed so far, you are all awesome and I luws you so much! Hugs!

_(This is a line)_

My transfer was apparently big news or at least that's what I had gathered from all the whispers and loud chattering from just about everyone that I passed.

…It also seems that few people knew the truth about me about who I actually was. It wasn't like I was keeping mum about who I was or anything like that. It was more like everyone had more fun making up stories about me then actually asking me or looking up my records.

So far I've heard that some humorous and some not so funny rumors.

I was a Interpol plant

I was some kind of Frankenstein style experiment created by mystical vampires to wreak havoc on the Underground (my favorite so far)

Satan

A Swedish Princess in witness protection (I had said two words in Swedish to some dickhead to start this one, they weren't nice words)

I'm secretly a man

I'm the Vongola Ninth's long lost daughter

I'm a whore being paid to seduce the next generation of bosses for their wealth and power (I may have kicked every male in the nads that day just on princple)

I was a veteran cop undercover (dickheads need to remember I haven't yet entered puberty, besides there was already a rumor that said I was a government spy so this one was kind of inadequate)

I was a goddess of chaos that has taken human form to punish the Mafia for their crimes

An Alien that wanted to eat everyone's brains. (I think some idiot confused Zombies with Aliens because this didn't even make sense to me when I heard it, although I had fun shuffling along the hallway moaning "B-Braaaaiiiinnnnnssssssssss!" for a good three hours.)

There were many more of course but these ones made my top Ten List of Pure Stupidity.

I crumble up another piece of paper and throw it in the direction of the waste basket, not caring that it missed by several feet. The floor was already littered with dozens of disregarded papers. Today's homework for English was to write a poem meaningful to myself – and can I say WTF, why do I have to take such classes? This isn't civy school, it's the goddamn mafia.

_Roses are red, Violets are blue_

_I really hate this, how about you?_

No, damn it.

Another miss toss to the bucket.

_Blood is warm, flesh is cold_

_Corpse on table, got a bone saw?_

Nope.

_Stars are bright, night is not_

_Ground is hard, water is not_

Oh god no.

_La la la fuck you all, go die via cliff_

Promising…

_Male homosexuality is the shit, we love that shit_

_Fangirls unite and overtake the oppressors of slashy goodness_

"Hahahahaahah, Okay, now I'm just bored."

_Lovely pineapple, cutie broccoli _

_Squishy Tenth, scary yellow birdy_

_Smiley baseball…_

"Wait a second, that's it!" I shout and get a new piece of paper and quickly write down what I want my poem to be.

_Extreme the Sun, Light the Green_

_Explode the Red, Wash the Blue_

_Double the Violet, Haze the Purple_

_Shine down the Orange_

"And done." I stated proudly. "Sensei, I've finished my poem, may I be excused now?"

"Gods yes. Just get the fuck out of there, it's already ten o'clock and I want to go home." My English teacher pleaded.

I beam at him and pick up my backpack and left the classroom. Earlier today during school hours I decided that if I could get away with doing my homework during school instead of at home it would save me time to train.

English had been my last class and I had been proud to have finished all my other homework from my other classes of the day during my lunch break and had gone back to each teacher to hand them in, dismissing their concerns about the homework being turned in the _next _day, not the day it was assigned.

My way was more affective anyway.

So I thought that it wouldn't take too long to write down a poem and stayed after class. Since it was the last class before the whole school let out I made the teacher stay behind with some good old fashion death threats of dismemberment.

Works like a charm every time.

I didn't expect it to take very long but before long the sun had gone down and the moon had been high in the sky.

It seems that I didn't have much of a poetic soul. I didn't mind too much though, Bel and Lussaria had that category well in hand with their theatrics.

Snickering now at the thought of how those two would have reacted if I told them such entertained me as I walked through the dark campus to my apartment.

I had entertained the thought of getting a dorm room, even sharing with someone else but Skull had been kind enough to discourage such thoughts.

Dirty laundry, unfavorable hours, close space invasion, sock on door (I shuddered at this), loud music of the country or bubblegum pop variety (if I was unlucky), a bubbly cheerleader with overly friendly tendencies, a nerd with breathing issues, or any other kind of stereo type scenarios.

Safe to say I was dispirited greatly after the hour long lecture of the evils of rooming with someone that wasn't vetoed by Skull and my father.

I got a nice two bedroom apartment instead that was just off campus. It was very upscale but not over the top which I liked and was custom to my tastes.

Although the giant wall-to-floor aquarium that separated my living room with the kitchen filled with Sandbar Sharks and beautiful coral wasn't something that I would have picked out myself.

**_(I'm changing things up now and changing to third person view, I'm done with first POV, but if after a few chapters if enough people review and say they hate it I will try to go back to 1_****_st_****_ POV view)_**

Squalo made a note to herself to send Skull a stuffed octopus plushie and a paper gun as a gag gift. That little bastard deserved it, although the sharks were kind of growing on her. There were three of them and she'd named them, Ace, Luffy and Sabo.

She missed her OP fix okay?

By the way…Ace was the only female of the group. Heh.

When Squalo was about a block from her apartment she overheard a commotion in one of the alleyways. Now usually she wouldn't bother stopping unless it was some kind of animal in distress.

What? She loved cute and cuddly things.

Which meant that she had something else in common with Hibrai. Damn it.

The noise coming from the alleyway though sounded like someone was really putting the hurt down on some poor soul.

It sounded young too…darn.

Squalo ran into the alleyway full speed.

"VOOIII! Motherfuckers!" She screamed and body tackled one of the four attackers that were kicking a body on the ground, making sure to slam her elbow in their face to render them unconscious.

One down, three motherfuckers to go.

She had left her short sword at home, not that she really needed it for these small fry but they were easily twice her height and age so it was a little more difficult than she had predicted it would be.

Maybe the male Squalo had it right when he cut off his hand and replaced it with his badass sword. It was better than a girl's best friend.

By which she meant pepper spray, for all those perverts out there that were thinking of something else.

"Watch out!" A warning from the downed victim saved her from taking a lead pipe to the head.

"Heh thanks, oh I know! Lead pipe in the alleyway by stupid thug #2." Squalo teased and cartwheeled over and kicked him in the throat while he was recovering from his wide swing.

Two down, two to go.

At this point any element of surprise she had was gone.

Squalo groaned when she received a punch to the gut, choking on stomach acid as bile rose in her throat and bent over the arm of the asshole.

"You'll regret that." She warned and bent her head down further and bit down on the arm that hurt her.

Hard.

"Argh! Bitch!" Thug #3 swore and swung around his other arm to catch her in the head but she dodged just in time and kicked him between the legs and continued to do it even after he was down.

"Stupid! Dumb! Motherfucker! Never have children and bring more of your stupid into the world!"

The last thug which Squalo had named thug #4 affectingly was standing over victim #0 with a knife to his throat.

"You stupid cunt! Did you know what you just interrupted?"

"A mugging?" Squalo guested sarcastically. She didn't really care what this was about, she was just happy to beat some stupid idiots. It made her night satisfying and with a nice hot chocolate afterwards she'd have pleasant dreams that night when she went to bed.

Maybe she'd email Skull in the morning and tell her how her night went, he was sure to get a kick out of this.

"Run!" The kid underneath the thug called out and got cuffed on the head for his troubles.

Now she was kind of pissed off and it had nothing to do with how she recognized the brat either.

Okay maybe it had something to do with that.

"Cavallone." She greeted and reached into her back pocket. "Close your eyes and don't breathe in."

"What?" Both Thug and victim asked before she threw the smoke bomb that Skull had gifted her as a going away present. She moved forward and sucker punched the thug to the side of the face before he could recover.

"Annnd that is how it's done ladies and gentlemen." Squalo crooned and spat some more bile to the ground, her stomach was still tender from that earlier punch and she knew she'd have one hell of a bruise in the morning.

"Now little Cavallone let's get you home." Squalo pulled him to his feet. "I told you to close your eyes."

"Owwww." Dino Cavallone whined as he tried to wipe the tears running down his face from the smoke.

"Come on, your bodyguards must be worried sick." Squalo dragged him towards her home. "You can rest at my place until they get here."

"Wh-who are you?" Dino asked squinting his eyes as he tried to look at her.

"My surname is Superbi."

"Oh right! The alien!"

"…Seriously?"

_(This is a line)_

And that's it for now, I will try to have another chapter up next week. Time wise it should still be that same night so Squalo will have to deal with Dino's little gang of look-a-likes. Also she will find out why Dino was out late at night all by himself.  
I just need to think of the reason first. Lol

Hope you all enjoy and if you like One Piece I recommend all the wonderful stories and art that OP Big Bang reproduced.

Including my own fic. Marco's Moving Castle (Marco/Ace) lol shamelessly promoting and proud of it.

Again I want to thank all of you who have reviewed, you guys are really great! :) I never expected for this story to get the attention it has gotten, since it started (and is kind of still) an exercise in self-insert territory and not a very serious one at that.  
Also all poems are mine that I thought up on the spot, lol I like them. :)  
Review please, and thank you.


	8. So…what you in for?

**Chapter Eight-** **So…what you in for?**

Not beta'ed at all, not even a little. Also I don't own anything but my wild imagination.

-(this is a line)-

"So what do you want?" Squalo asked as she directed the preteen to her couch to relax and recover.

Dino cocked his head sideways, he had the most adorable, confused expression on his face that it took all of Squalo's will power to stop herself from pinching his cheeks and cooing. Even with the blood stains on his shirt and upper lip. He'd gotten his nose pretty smashed but from what Squalo could see it wasn't broken.

That would be tragic, Dino the Bucking Bronco with a crooked nose, a travesty to all those beautiful Bishōnen boys that this universe likes to spit out like cherry pits.

He really was an endearing brat, Squalo couldn't help but think as she watched him probe his nose and grimace in pain and then did it again and seemed surprise when it continued to hurt.

Squalo also couldn't help but wonder…if Dino was this cute now then Tsuna, who will only be a year or so older when they first meet, will probably make her ovaries explode or something. Maybe she should rethink her idea of keeping things cannon for the most part and retire early. Brat was probably still in diapers right now and already he was causing her headaches.

But while Dino may be adorable, his attention span leaved something to be desired. Squalo huffed, annoyed with the boy as Dino had already forgotten about her question and was too busy looking around her living area. He seemed fascinated by the fish tank.

Which to be fair anyone would be, a large aquarium like that, not to mention the sharks that called it home and the very few fish that lived in there too. Although they were mostly cannon fodder for her ASL lovelies.

"Oi, uke-boy! I asked you a question."

"Huh? What'z that you called me?"

"U.K.E. B.O.Y. It means you, bright-eyes. Now do you want something to drink?" Squalo was practically at the end of her patience and was thinking of finishing those thugs work for them.

"No madam I'm fine."

Squalo's right eyebrow began to twitch. "Madam? Do I look old enough to be a madam!? I'm probably your age!"

"I'm 12."

"…11." More twitching.

"Wow you're a baby!"

…both eyebrows were twitching madly now. Squalo took deep breaths and tried to calm herself. The kid was an idiot but he was also the heir to a Mafioso family that would one day become number 3 in the world, thanks to said idiot.

"Here." Squalo picked up her wireless home phone and threw it at him, watching dispassionately when he failed to catch it with his hands and instead stopped it with his forehead.

"Owie!"

"Just call your people to pick you up." Squalo sighed and walked into her kitchen, she could still watch him through the aquarium if she needed too but she failed to see how she could possibly ever be in danger from him.

She got herself a cola and sipped at it slowly as she watched Dino make the call, it was funny to watch as the boy cringed back into the sofa when whoever was on the other side of the line began to shout at him.

After several minutes of that Dino finally got a word in and reported where he was and in what condition he was in before he was able to hang up.

Which should have been the first thing that phone call should have been about. Whoever was on the other end of the line obviously didn't take his job seriously or care about Dino.

It couldn't be Romario then, 'cuse that man was completely devoted to Dino, or would be in the future if he wasn't on Dino's detail yet.

"So- gonna tell me what that was all about?" Squalo asked.

Dino hesitated for a second and stared down at the phone before his mouth twisted into a frown and his eyes harden with resolve.

"I think someone in my father's bodyguards is a traitor."

"Oh?" Squalo drawled and slipped on the straw loudly. "Why would you believe something like that?"

"Several reasons. But the current one is when I wasn't picked up at school like usual and none of my usual bodyguards were in their designated places. Also those men…I think I recognized one of them. A nephew or something like that although I can't remember who he was related too. But I saw him with a bunch of father's guards a few weeks ago so…" Dino shrugged helplessly and Squalo could see how frustrated and scared this whole thing was making him.

"So you suspected for some time then?" Squalo asked and Dino nodded. "Have you told anyone? Maybe your father?"

"Father told me I was being a spoiled brat and to just go to school and kiss ass to all the higher families." Dino's face was a picture in horrification as if he just realized what he'd just said. "I apologize for my language!" He bowed over his knees even while he continued to sit.

Squalo laughed. "Kid you haven't heard _language _until you've spent a day with me. But I am curious, why are you telling me all this?"

Dino simply said. "You asked." As if that really was all it took for him to spill his guts.

"Well yea." Squalo shrugged, "But I could be an enemy for all you know. Leading you into a false sense of security to get all of your dirty little secrets, maybe I work for this traitor…and now you just told me that you suspect someone in a probably narrow field of suspects."

"But you're not." Once again it was said with complete assurance.

"How can you be so confident?" the absurdity of this entire night was beginning to weigh on her.

"I can feel it. You're a good person." Dino said. "Maybe a bit blood-thirsty…" He squeaked out when Squalo glared at him when he called her a good person. "But ultimately you helped me out when I was in trouble back there and I doubt you have anything to do with the politics of my family."

"Hmmm. Maybe you're right or maybe you're wrong. We'll see about that later. So this person you just called, who was that?"

"Franklin." Dino's voice lowered. "To be truthful he's my main suspect but he's been with the family for years, ever since my mom died. Father has complete trust in him even though there are many incidents that seem to happen around him."

Squalo came over and sat next to him on the couch, making sure there was some distance though since she didn't want to seem like she was crowding him.

"Small things at first, misplaced files that were of little import by themselves but as a whole- well they had a lot of information about the family and everyone who is employed there. Father told everyone during the panic scare that the files must have been accidently shredding with the unimportant files and to not worry. I doubt that happened though and there are others as well who feel the same way I do. Some of them changed their names and moved their families. The thing is- Franklin was in charge of the security for that wing that week and other then a small slap on the wrist nothing happened. Not to mention that a few rookies seemed to have gone missing, they're all ones that had seemed to have a problem with Franklin, but Franklin told everyone that they were runners and he sent some of his best people to dispatch them before they could spread any of our family's information to other families, the jerk got an expensive bottle of wine and a damned pay raise."

Squalo frowned, "That's really suspicious."

"I know right? There's a bunch of stuff like that and I've compiled a few files on him as well as a few others that I think may be in on it as well."

"Who do you think they're selling too?"

Dino shrugged. "I have no idea. Could be they're freelancers or maybe they work for a more powerful family but…" Dino's frustration was bleeding into his voice. "I'm just so sick of it. Callvanio Primo created this family from his own two hands, he was powerful and influence. Did you know that he was rumored to be friends with Vongola Primo?"

Squalo nodded absently, she didn't remember any of this being canon but maybe…how did the Dino and Squalo of canon verse meet? Squalo found that she couldn't remember at all, if she knew to begin with at all.

"So…what are you going to do if the people you just called are these so-called trators coming to dispatch and finish the job?"

Dino's agape expression caused her to exhale harshly.

Face- meet palm.

The loud knocking on the door caused both of their heads to swerve at the same time.

"If they hurt my sharks I will cut your dick off got that?" Squalo said calmly and reached into the couch cushions and pulled out her short sword making Dino's eyes bug.

"Yes miss."

"It's Squalo dear." Squalo smirked and took a fighting stance, Dino clumsy feet scrambling to get into a defensive stance was adorable but now wasn't the time to coo. "Now let's see who's behind door number 1."

-(this is a line)-

So…yea…not even sure what the freck is happening anymore. I think a tiny bit of plot tried to make its way into my story. It's a lot more detailed than the befriending of Skull, so…no longer a drabble story?

Who knows?

I hope you enjoy it regardless, Dino is adorable and I luw him to pieces, to be honest he was my first choice for my SI to be reborn as but then I read some really good Squalo fics then rewatched the Ring Match episodes and feel in love with him as well.

I do feel like my love for Dino may have transferred to Squalo a bit, although she see's him more as a cute puppy you can't help but pet on the head and coo over. Don't worry though, we'll get to the paper training later. lol

So, it goes like this- my 3 favorite characters are Dino, Squalo, Xanxus and Skull are tied at the end so it's more like my 4 favs.

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys are just so amazing there aren't enough words in the English language to say how awesome you guys are.

Remember, reviews make author smile, smile makes writing easier.


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